For Paul, July 2022 was the best of his life. Now a knot in the stomach when thinking. The forties and her husband have to go to a village near Kiev in Ukraine this summer to look for their little girl. GPA (rented mother). The country allows this practice for same-sex and married couples who have provided proof of infertility. His girlfriend Mary, who lives in Belgium, also has an appointment in the center of the country to find her son, whose birth is scheduled for July.
But the War in Ukraine Turned their sweet thoughts into pain. “I am afraid that the woman carrying my baby will die in the bombing. This thought paralyzes me every day, ”says Pauline. Every day, these two so-called “purposeful mothers” gather all the information they can find in the evolution of conflict. Before the war, surrogate mothers were in contact only through the clinic responsible for surrogate mothers, and now they contact them directly. “I get news every day. We built a very strong relationship. For now, her village has not been affected by the bombings and she does not want to leave it. Because she has a whole life: her husband and her two children. But I repeatedly offered to take her and her family to the Polish border.
“I have no right over her because she is carrying my baby”
Mary maintains a very close bond with her son’s surrogate mother: “Nearby cities are bombed, but not hers. As soon as she heard the siren sounding further, she took refuge in the bomb shelter. I repeatedly offered our financial help or asked her to take me to the Polish border, but she did not want anything from us. She and her relatives do not want to leave because they believe it will prove Putin right. But as soon as she realized she was no longer safe, she assured me she would leave. I respect his will. Just because she is carrying my baby does not mean that I have a right over her. ⁇
If the war continues in the coming months, the question arises as to what procedure should be followed to obtain babies if they are born. Some European couples stranded in Ukraine carrying their baby. Others recently flew to Poland to take their baby across the border, with various levels of complications. “It is believed that if the war intensifies in July, the surrogate mother in Ukraine will be able to give birth and be taken to the Polish border via a military corridor. Or she can go to another country and have a baby if she wishes,” said Pauline.
“We care not only for our baby, but also for the surrogate mother.”
Other concerns management: “Civil services are currently closed in Ukraine, so parents can not obtain birth certificates. The surrogate mother can only use the contract with the notary to prove that the child is theirs, ”said Mary.
Of course, Mary and Paul have been hurt by some articles in the media that indecently describe parents’ concerns about the fate of surrogate mothers. And by the anti-GPA demonstration in Paris on March 5. “We are not selfish. We care not only about our baby, but also about the surrogate mother. We feel like we belong to the same family and I am so thankful for what this girl has done for us. Those who criticize us do not know our history. We all have horrible PMA trips. The surrogate mother system was our last resort. Mary supports her wish: “Of course surrogate mothers receive money from us, but they cannot work. Also keep in mind that they carry a fetus, but they have no biological connection with it because it is not a question of their oocytes.
“These children are innocent and we must protect them.”
Sylvie Menson, president of the pro-Clara surrogate mother’s association, who accompanies families in their efforts, explains that they “always prevent couples” from choosing Ukraine as surrogate mothers because the country “does not meet the norms.” He added, “Intermediaries are not always honest and procedures are not always transparent.
Nevertheless, he hopes the French public authorities will find solutions: “If babies born to surrogate mothers are unable to be adopted by their intended parents, they will have to stay with their surrogate mother who never wants it. Or they will be placed in the nursery. They are innocent and we must protect them.” He emphasizes. ”Pregnant mothers and intentional parents are the co-victims of the war. We have to help ourselves, ”Pauline said.